So I joined an online dating website (no, I’m not telling you which one). I forgot to cancel my subscription within the first 3 days (as was my plan), so my new plan is to make the most of the next 3 months. Which means either a) great dates for me or b) terrible dates for me that make great blog stories. I will not be retelling details of any dates who seem like genuinely nice, honest people… I’m not a jerk. But if they are anything like good ol’ Derek from my last foray into online dating, I will let you know.
So far, just in scanning profiles, I wish I could give guys some tips on how to not sound creepy or douche-y:
1) There are several questions for which “I’ll tell you later” is an acceptable answer: Income, Faith, what college you went to… NOT “Do you have kids?” Really? Really dude, you’ll tell me later? That means that you almost certainly have children and I’m going to assume the worst about them/you: “Yes, I have 16 children”, or “Yes, I have 2 children and they like poking people with pins”, or “Yes, I have children. And a wife”, or “Yes, I have kids. Every Thursday night with a little mint jelly”, or “Yes I have children, but I sell them off when they reach 6 weeks”. I think I’ll just pass.
2) I’m going to be honest… I know that you can’t help who you’re attracted to. However, when you’re a white dude who has no preference for ANY of your ideal woman’s characteristics (height, body type, hair color, eye color, politics, faith, education, etc), except that she be white… I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you are a big ol’ racist. It might not be fair of me, but there you go. I guess if you are looking for other racists, that’s a good way to let ‘em know.
3) Seriously, that one dude, did you really say that redheads are okay as long as we’re “not too feisty”?!!? Ugh.
4) Dudes. Dudes. For the love of Pete, don’t put anything about being my future husband, Mr. Right, or any other such thing in your user name. Be normal and use some variation on your name or nickname like everyone else.
I got an email this past weekend from a dude who used the awesomely non-specific line, “something in your profile caught my eye”. Really? Really 44-year-old dude, did it? It obviously wasn’t the FIRST LINE that states 38 is pretty much the highest age I’m looking for.
The next 3 months could be interesting… or horrifying enough for me to swear off dating again. I guess we’ll see.