Monthly Archives: December 2010

Online Dating

I’ve been browsing the “matches” section of one of the local, hipster-friendly papers.  And have decided I’m entirely too old for this bullshit:

I lived in England for 6 months after I graduated from college 12 years ago, and still have a bit of an accent, so I hope you’re okay with that.  Who doesn’t like an accent, am I right?  Anyway, enough about my cosmopolitan yet unpretentious past – let’s talk about the future.  Our future.  

I always said I’d never do online dating so this is all a bit strange and new, and endearingly awkward, to me.  It might be a little hard to tell from the fact that I’ve been doing this for 4 years and haven’t even bothered to update my ad or my pictures, but it’s just because my sensitive soul has a hard time with this cold and imperfect way of meeting people.

Language is like the air that I breathe, or like food.  I chew on words; I digest them.  Some days I just go ahead and spread them on bread and have a peanut butter and adjective sandwich.

I guess you could call me a hopeless romantic, just puttin’ it out there, looking for the love of my life. Nowadays, everyone’s so focused on themselves – I want to be focused on YOU.  But not in a creepy way, even though I come across like that at first.  And while I may be  in my mid-30s, I’m really just a big kid at heart.  I’m looking for someone who wants to be a kid with me, a woman with a child-like sense of wonder at the world around her, with whimsy and spontaneity to match my own.  I’m really looking for someone who won’t notice that I haven’t matured in the past 15 years.  

Also, you have to be hot.

Edit:  I’m paraphrasing… for the most part.   The originals are actually harder to understand, so I’m just making an attempt to clarify what they’re really trying to say…

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The Three-Day Pancake Saga – OR, how it takes me forever to do things

I work in a cubicle. Not tiny, but it’s not like I can add an easy chair and a rubber plant or anything. During the best of weeks, it’s not really an ideal environment for humans. And last week was not the best of weeks. I had horrible back pain (more on that another time), I have never-ending spreadsheets to work on, and we have an audit coming up soon. I was not in the best of moods.

I color-code my spreadsheets, because that’s how my brain works. But by the end of the day on Friday, all I saw was this:

I asked a few coworkers to come out and have an adult beverage or two with me after work, but everyone was going to see Harry Potter (Sadly, I was not). One coworker came out for one quick beer before the movie, and then we went our separate ways.

On the way home, I decided I really wanted pancakes for dinner. That would make me feel better! I was so excited about the prospect of breakfast for dinner; I may have even tweeted about it. I told everyone about these delicious pancakes I was going to make for myself.

I got home, put my pajamas on (it’s usually the first thing I do), sat down to check my email, and then went to make my delicious pancakes.

Oh MAN! I was out of milk. Well, not really out. But the quarter cup left in the milk jug was not going to suffice for pancakes. For a few minutes, I actually thought about walking the whole two block and a half to the grocery store to buy more… but I did not. It’s pretty much physically impossible for me to get dressed and leave the apartment again after I’ve put on my pajamas. So I poured the last of the milk on some cereal and ate it. It was not the same thing.

Saturday, after hanging out with my sister all day, I decided I’d make pancakes for dinner that night. I went to the store, then putzed around for a while, and around 8pm (I sometimes forget to eat meals), I figured it was time to whip some up. Then my friend texted me and invited me to come out with her and some other friends. Well, pancakes aren’t really a “getting ready to go out meal”, so I whipped up a veggie Italian sausage and some fries and ate those. The sausage may or may not have fallen on the floor and then been washed before eating.  If there are no witnesses, things like that simply do not happen.

I threw on some end-of-the laundry cycle going-out clothes (which means a clean t-shirt and my cleanest jeans. I know. It’s shocking that I remain a single woman), and left my apt around 9pm. I ate the rest of the fries when I returned sometime around 3 in the morning. (I may have also almost signed up for online dating, but I fell asleep on the couch before I could post my profile. Thank. God).

Sunday, I slept kinda late, since I’d been up most of the night.  I cleaned up my kitchen (how it gets messy when I forget to cook, I have no idea).  Then I finally started making pancakes.  When I was done, I realized that I had only an hour to get to a store to look for something for my sister, so left the pancakes in the oven and ran out for that.  Finally got home, re-heated my delicious pancakes, and enjoyed my dinner.

I even made enough to bring them to work for breakfast the next morning.  It sounds weird, but I really like cold, plain pancakes.

 In fact, I think I’ll make them again this weekend.  Which means, by Wednesday, I will definitely be having pancakes.